There is something about the blank slate of the new year that feels so inspiring. A collective buzz of what can come of a new beginning vibrates throughout our communities, and we start imagining the possibilities of 2023. We hear all of this, ‘new year, new me’ and ‘this is gonna be our year’, and we take matters into our own hands with ~resolutions~. And that’s quite powerful– just the mental concept of new beginnings has been proven to offer great psychological benefits. However, when life starts lifing again, things sometimes prove to be… a bit more complicated. Fighting habits can be exhausting and life throws unexpected obstacles to make it even harder. Here are 5 tips for approaching, holding onto, or adjusting your New Year's resolution when the New Year buzz wears off. 

Approach your resolution from a place of love

Are you approaching your resolutions from a place of control or love? And before you say “both”, hear me out for a second… 

I was recently listening to an episode of Glennon Doyle’s We Can Do Hard Things Podcast with Sonya Renee Taylor (which, by the way, I highly recommend). During their conversation about radical self-love, Doyle claims, “...control is the opposite of love. We only control what we don’t trust.” It seems like a pretty bold thing to say, but in many ways, it’s true. And for our purposes: certainly worth considering as we approach our goals, habits, and resolutions. 

Trying to create control, obey processes, meet expectations, and fight your impulses or desires will probably only lead to negative feelings about the adjustments you’re trying to make. Feelings of shame or defeat make it hard to keep trying. The more you can make steps toward making your resolution feel good, and from a place of love, the easier it will be to adjust to the change and achieve the (probably positive) feelings we hoped our resolutions would bring us when we made them. 

And on that note… 

Consider writing down the reasons why you made your resolution in the first place

Often we set resolutions in a dreamy fantasy of how our lives could look if we implemented them. Indulge me for a second: remember what that vision looked like you. Now that we’re a month in, has it started to feel how you hoped it might? What have you noticed? How have you grown? How are things just a little bit different? 

This also might be a good opportunity to make adjustments. It’s easy to get overambitious with our goals at the start of the New Year. So offer yourself a check-in point. What does your resolution look like in practice, rather than imagination? Is it sustainable? And more importantly: is it serving you? Give yourself permission to adjust accordingly. 

Invite in the blockages to have a little chat

Instead of dismissing the thoughts and feelings keeping you from your goals, try to understand them. Maybe they’re trying to protect you from disappointment, or eliminate the possibility of failure. Perhaps it’s seeking comfort in old habits. Whatever it is, trying to understand and appreciate different parts of ourselves can be helpful as we go about finding the best ways to move forward.

Decide how you want your resolutions to look on hard days

When we make resolutions, they’re often built around a vision of ourselves when everything is going perfectly. We imagine who we are when we’re full of energy, motivation, and purpose. We set goals that outline a shiny, happy, successful version of ourselves that we want to move toward. And in so many ways, that’s a great practice in optimism and self-efficacy. But unfortunately, things probably won’t feel that way 365 days of 2023. Scratch that- they definitely won’t. 

It can help to imagine the kind of person we want to be on our bad days and low moments. For example, if your resolution surrounded supporting your physical health, that’s going to look a certain way on a day with a predictable schedule and relatively high energy. But what about the day you wake up with the flu? Or something comes up that throws your plan off? Perhaps that’s not a time for 10,000 steps, but listening to your body when it’s sending signals that it needs rest or retreat. Figuring out how you want to move forward with your goals in the face of adversity can help not so that you don’t feel so thrown or defeated when things aren’t perfect. 

Come back to compassion 

If you take one thing from this whole article, let it be this: You are human. Life is hard. And you’re probably doing the very best you can with the tools and situations you’ve been given. It’s so important (not to mention so helpful in reaching and sustaining your goals) to come back to a place of self-compassion. Good luck– you’re doing great!